The first time we made love, we spent hours experiencing deep connection, intimacy and exquisite pleasuring. Jacqueline climaxed multiple times, which gave me the confidence I could still be a ‘man’ despite my impotence. However, as excited as I was, and no matter how she tried to stimulate me, I could not release. In fact, I tried so hard that I got exertion headaches.
What surprised me was my lack of sexual frustration, despite my inability to climax. The truth is, I’d never felt so fulfilled. This response puzzled me because it was outside my previous sexual experiences. After many sexless years, I would typically be climbing the walls. Instead, I was basking in the deep glow of intimate satisfaction.
About a month and a half into our sexual intimacy, I stopped trying, and allowed myself to receive Jacqueline’s loving passively, and enjoy the ride without expectations. That was the trick that enabled my brain to ‘rewire,’ causing me to experience my first orgasm with a woman in over 12 years. It was incredible and completely different from a typical male climax, or anything like I’d ever experienced. Prior to my cancer, I had no problem having explosive ejaculatory orgasms. However, compared to what happens now, there is no contest. I can only imagine that these pulsing waves of ecstasy are similar to what women experience during climax. I wouldn’t trade this for anything, including getting my hard‑on back.
As I start to peak, it originates within my entire pelvic region (not just my penis), as high-voltage waves of undulating pleasure that travel up through the femurs of both legs, all the way to my kneecaps. Its extraordinary power and duration causes me to scream nearly every time. Since then, my orgasms continue to grow stronger and longer lasting even though I am on Androgen Depravation Therapy (ADT). However, I am hardly unique in this capacity. We’ve had other men who lost their ability to ejaculate contact us to say they had similar experiences. Think about it. This is incredible news for every man and their partner dealing with prostatectomy-induced impotence.
The irony is, this whole-body climax is much easier for non-ejaculatory impotent men to achieve than those who function normally. That’s because the procreative male orgasmic response is so hard-wired into men it overwhelms any attempt to suppress it. We suspect this suppression is a minimum requirement for any man to experience this greatly enhanced sexual release.
We openly discuss our intimate experiences, including respective preferences, often asking each other the same question: “If you had to give up one thing, the receiving or the giving, which would it be?”
Without a hint of hesitation, we both say we’d give up the receiving, if we could continue to give. Stop for a moment and consider this within the context of the intense orgasms we each experience. When many couples become intimate, their primary focus is usually on how they can receive pleasure. What we have discovered is we derive our greatest pleasure from the ability to give to each other selflessly. Sexual giving, without conditions or expectations, consistently provides us the most intense, pleasurable and fulfilling intimate experiences.
The next time you make love, ask your partner what they want. Then be present as you accommodate their desires by giving with no attachment to the outcome. Pay attention to what happens to them, and, what happens to you.